If at first you don’t succeed…
01 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life, Reflections Tags: NaBloPoMo, possibilities, whether, change
There’s always another month to do NaBloPoMo! Obviously I didn’t follow through very well with my February intentions. But it was a crazy month, among sickness, job interviews, changing jobs, and car troubles, I didn’t give myself much time to reflect. I faced some crushing disappointment, but also had some lovely and healing moments that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Essentially I feel like February was chaos and I’ll be honest, I feel a little apprehensive about March.
I do find it interesting that the NaBloPoMo theme for the month is basically uncertainty, and I’m facing a lot of that in my life right now. I don’t have any idea how things will resolve themselves into something good right now. I look at everything that seems set against me, and I’m nervous. I worry that I won’t succeed again.
At the same time there’s an excitement to being in a period of life that has a lot of change happening. The potential for great things is there, just lurking beneath the surface. It’s like an artist sitting before a blank page. Anything is possible.
The trick for me when I’m faced with uncertainty is to stay on the positive side of the coin. Hope is a much more pleasant feeling to embrace than worry is, and with high hopes I’m more likely to accomplish something. Maybe March will be a great time to work on finding my center. I hope it’s good!
Failing, Football, and Food
06 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Frustration, Reflections Tags: art, cooking, creativity, football, NaBloPoMo
Well, I’m clearly doing well at this write a blog post every day for a month thing. Not even a week in and I’ve already lost! It was so accidental too. Yesterday I got up as usual, got ready for the day, and went to church with my friends. Then it was home to have lunch with my extended family, as is our tradition on Sundays. I helped out my mother by doing the dishes while she had coffee and chatted with my aunts and grandmother after lunch.
Then I went off to the grocery store with my boyfriend to get the ingredients for the dishes I’d promised to bring to the Superbowl party hosted by my community group that we were attending that evening. I made sausage balls and thumbprint cookies and chatted with him while he played Tetris on my mother’s iPad. By the time the last tray of cookies was done it was time to go. We headed out, got a little lost but found the place without too much difficulty, and had a grand time with everyone. I even watched a little football!
We came home and sat and talked for a bit just the two of us to wind down from being with people all day, and then parted ways around one in the morning. I got ready for bed and settled down to write a blog post when I realized that I’d already missed the day! Well, I still intend to continue this endeavor, even though I can’t ‘win’ at NaBloPoMo any longer. I guess it takes the pressure off for the rest of the month.
Today I spent some more time in the kitchen, making cookies and a cheese ball for a wine & cheese chat about the More to Life program that I’ve ended up volunteering to help with. Luckily I enjoy cooking; it’s my favorite way to contribute to an event. There’s something very satisfying when someone enjoys something I’ve created, whether that be my art or a meal I’ve made. Food is easier though. It’s not hard for me to say “I care about you” by bringing a delicious dish to share. People are usually very gratified, and if it wasn’t as good then I learned something new that I can use the next time I cook or bake.
Something like my art or my writing is much harder to share. There’s more at stake. If my creativity with a meal doesn’t turn out than it’s no big deal. It could be a difference in taste, mood, or any number of things. But my art is a part of me, a little glimpse into my heart, and when someone rejects that it’s much harder. Often I don’t even offer to show people things like my writing, because sometimes they don’t even want to see. It’s easier for me to express my creative side off in a corner, and if a few people catch a glimpse and enjoy, that’s okay, but I don’t really want to be on display. It’s too exposed, and like with food there’s difference in taste and mood and how people feel when they look at a picture or read poetry or prose.
I guess that is part of what I’m doing here. Taking the time to write for myself is part of it too, but this is out there where people could see. Someone could find this. Even one of my friends could find it. It’s easy to worry about what people might think. I suppose that’s why I’m going to continue trying to post every day for this month, to not lose heart and continue to do something I feel is worthwhile.
The Blind Side
04 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life, Movies, Reflections Tags: family, impact, perspective, positive thinking, The Blind Side
Today I watched The Blind Side for the very first time. I know, it’s been out for quite a while, but I’m not really a football fan, and never got around to seeing it. But my parents and I were having a pizza-picnic downstairs by the TV tonight, and I’m going to go watch the Superbowl with my boyfriend and community group tomorrow, so I thought it’d be a way to prep for football and enjoy a story and time with the family.
And I’m glad. It was a good film. Anything that causes me to pause and think about something or someone I don’t normally think about I think is helpful.
I came away from the film thinking about how blessed I am. I have a wonderful family. We’re quirky, but we’re also close. I don’t have siblings, but I grew up with my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents close. And I live in one of those increasingly rare nuclear families. My parents love each other and the extended family still gets together nearly every week for lunch on Sunday afternoons. As I get older and come in contact with more people, I realize that this is not really the norm. I’m very grateful for my family’s closeness.
I also think it’s amazing how much difference one life can make. A bit of kindness, being willing to take a risk and open your heart to someone, can literally change both your life and theirs. In some ways it’s a little scary, how connected everyone really is. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the phrase “No one is an island” but it gets repeated because it’s true. We all have impact. I would like to spend more time thinking about how my life is impacting others, and what an objective observer might say about the legacy I am creating each day. Are people happier because of me? Or is it the opposite? With proper perspective I can make the effort and choose to be a positive force in the world, instead of dragging down those whose lives brush mine.
Blank Pages
03 Feb 2012 1 Comment
in Life, Reflections Tags: perspective, life, possibilities, blank pages, artistic endeavors, creative power
A blank page is an interesting thing.
When I look at a blank page before me I can tell a lot about my mindset. If I look at an empty page and feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and just want it to go away, then I know I have lost my center. When I turn away from the challenge of a blank page I’m in a low place. I look at that empty space and am afraid to even attempt to fill it, because I’m believing I won’t measure up to the potential.
But when I look at a blank page and see endless possibilities, the lull before a storm of creative power, that is when I most feel like myself. I’m in touch with my emotion and willing to express my feelings and thoughts. I know I am up to the challenge of putting myself out there and feel that any effort is worthwhile. I know that my artistic endeavors, whether they be visual or written word, will not be perfect, but I feel I have something to express and am willing to put in the time to do so. Those are the days I want to have more of.
I approach life this way too. Each new morning is really a blank page, full of possibilities that can be intimidating or wonderful depending on my perspective. Oh, to be more aware of the stance I take when I place my feet on the floor in the morning, or take pen in hand! When I consciously choose to see possibilities for adventure instead of challenges leering down at me from heights I cannot climb, those are the days and moments when I truly live.
Correspondence
02 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Internet, Reflections Tags: snail mail
Does anyone else still love snail mail?
There’s something about getting a physical letter, written in the hand of someone who cares for you that I think is lost in electronic communication. There’s a lot that can go into snail mail. Your choice of stationary, the style of handwriting, the color of pens. You can include fun stickers or little sayings, or pictures that the recipient can place somewhere. I like to send cards to my friends for holidays with little sketches included to brighten their day. My favorite is to slip a piece of chocolate into the envelope of a card. One of my friends always writes very small and fills the card with writing so she can tell me as much as she can. I love getting letters from her. And I know I’m always thrilled to get something besides junk mail out of my mailbox.
On the other hand, e-mails are a faster way to keep up to date, and they are still nice. Letters take a longer time to write, and then you have to get them on their way to the post office, buy stamps and whatnot. I think that’s part of why it means something to me to get a letter in the mail. It says that my friend didn’t mind going a little out of her way to pick out a card or stationary, write it all out, and go to the post office to mail it to me. It says ‘I’m thinking of you’ in a different way than someone posting on my Facebook wall or sending me an e-mail.
Also, letters have always been pretty positive for me anyway. I get good news from my friends by mail. Wedding invitations, birthday cards, or just a note that says ‘thinking of you.’ E-mails on the other hand are a mixed bag. I don’t know how many e-mails I’ve received to address things people I knew felt were going wrong with our relationship. I think listing grievances is easier electronically. It’s less personal and you send it right away so you have no time to second guess what you’ve written. I’m guilty of it too!
However, I’m also guilty of meaning to write someone a letter and getting distracted, not taking the time, and then the time to send that letter gets past me. I think taking more time for myself to reflect can also mean taking more time to communicate with other people and keep them up to date. I want to work harder to make space for my own thoughts and for correspondence, both the physical and the electronic kind!
NaBloPoMo & Beginnings
01 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Reflections Tags: NaBloPoMo
I don’t know if I can count how many times I’ve started a writing project I didn’t finish. It’s like I just lose motivation halfway through, or life happens and I get distracted. Projects I once was so enthusiastic about, I lose interest in, or they get set aside for other things.
I used to be more disciplined than I have been lately. More organized, and also more creative. Lately I have let the stresses of each day weigh on me, suck away my energy and creative drive, and settled into believing that this was the way things had to be. But that isn’t the case. I am a person with thoughts and ideas to offer and share. And I want to live more from that truth.
I often get lost when I don’t take time for myself. Even though I know it helps me center myself to pause and reflect, I don’t guard the time I set aside for me very carefully. So here I am, deciding to jump into NaBloPoMo. I may not have been as disciplined as I would like to be lately, but it seems to me like I could manage a blog post a day, especially in February, the shortest month of the year!
So here’s to time taken to stop a moment, to think and feel, and to experience the journey. If someone reads my thoughts and comes along for the ride, then I’m grateful you found my words worth reading. But even if no one finds these words in this small corner of the internet, I think this time will be well spent for me.
